pics and video

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so there are couple new things going on this week.. medicaid turned down a bed, the appeal and the fair hearing they said that the dr screwed up the order so I have to start all over..but the good news is I found a bed online on craigslist for very cheap.. and it is working out great.. the only thing I dont like is she likes to stick her arms and legs out the side so if she gains to much weight we might have a problem.. We are changing course with her gait trainer we took the seat off and added the arms so now were going into kick mode with her..shes not eating right now so we have to try to get her to start eating again since she is feeling good..again..oh yea shes also wearing this thing called a benik vest to help with her low tone so well see how all this goes.. guess thats it for now..

american idol and alley mcbeal..lol

Ok 1st off i'm sending some good luck vibes to kris allen on american idol..he's totally my choise.. I know adam rocks and he is the king of rock.. an danny is good and warms my heart and makes me cry cause hes a widower..lol.. but kris is awsome..tell me hes not.. do you here that song on my page..hopefully my good luck vibes dont send my lil black cloud his way.. my and my hubby love american idol..

on the good note emma started 2 days a week for school. and she really seems to enjoy it.. her gait trainer makes her the popular kid..lol..kids are always all over her when I go there.. its so cute..she is feeling much better these past few days thank god..

on the other note.. nic is really testing us.. I just dont understand why he is an angel at school but at home he's crazy. I cant get him to do anything.. everything is a fight..I took his games away a month ago. he asks daily for them but still will not listen to get them back..anyone who read this used to be an alley mcbeal fan..well if so I alley mcbeal him in my head daily..I have taken to a stress pill once daily to try to be patient with him.. so my prayer for this week is let me have patience and lots of love for him..because in my head I shake him daily..only in the alley mcbeal sense..please god let me figure out something with him.. because he is not even 9 yet. and if we have to deal with this until hes a teenager, it will probably get worse. and i dont think me and daddy will live through it.. at least not with a full head of hair, a twitching eye and no nerves left..
PS.. DANNY GOKEYS GOING HOME.. GO KRIS..

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY..

Most women became mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes.

"Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecilia. Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter?"

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles, "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect.

She has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness?

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, there is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word. She will never consider a 'step' ordinary. When her child says 'Mama' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

I will permit her to see clearly the things I see - ignorance, cruelty, prejudice - and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."
author unknown.

asking for some healing prayers..

Well she is sick again or still sick.. it kind of switches so I dont know if its coming or going..she had the ear infection, which made her poo blood from the antibiotics, then after the ear healed she got gastristis which now has changed over into a horrible cough.. I seriously need to find a new doctor or something. because I dont know is it normal for a child to be this sick all the time, I know she has an extra chromosome but does that make her be sick more I just dont know. I really feel she needs steroids or something..I'm gonna try to figure something out to boost her imune system.. cause this bites. SO PLEASE EVERYONE SAY A PRAYER FOR HER TO BE BETTER TO HEAL FROM ALL THIS SICKNESS. FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE HER SERIOUS ABOUT HER LAZY EYE, ABOUT HER HEALTH. life is so scarey.

another ear infection

Well we are once again fighting an ear infection.. and now day 2 of antibiotics she has bloody poo 2 times.. so were back to the doctor tomorow.. its probably just the antibiotics but i get so worried, I keep thinking what if something is wrong because she had malrotation surgery when she was a baby what if something is wrong.. well guess i'll have to ask the docts tomorow..so please pray for her she has been puking, diarea, her lazy eye gets worse when shes feeling bad and now this.. so just pray.. pray that the bed gets approved on my appeal because if i dont get some sleep soon i'm gonna have a heart attack.. and poor emma she just coughs all night and gags and pukes..she deserves to sleep good..

twilight addict

Ok lets 1st start emma has still been doing her lazy eye thing.. I took her to the doctor and she didnt do it the whole time we were there..so he said it was fine but i could get a second opinon..that it could be neorological too but he doughted it so im going to try to get her in to see a neorologist soon..other than that all is good..

On the good bad note im seriously addicted to twilight..I say the movie and read #1 in a day and a half on #2 and feeling weepy.. seriously it is so sad i hope it gets better.. crying over a book yup im nuts..I dont want to parent or sleep I just want to read.. yes i am crazy if you see the pic..

sick again

Well she is sick again.. my poor baby..well poor me too i'm so tired of being pucked on..I'm trying to get her in to see the eye doctor but of course our luck hes on freakin vacation..Emma is having problems with her eyes.. shes been getting a lazy eye and you can tell she knows something is wrong or it feels weird or hurts I dont know..she just rubs it all the time..this just really sucks..she has so many problems why does it have to mess with her eyes.. The last eye doct said she had some far siteedness in her right eye but it was bad enough for glasses.. I'm wondering now if she will need glasses... do you even know how hard it is to keep glasses on a 1 eared baby..If she does get them I might push for a prosthetic ear early.. thats the route were gonna take later, I think the earliest is 3..dont know if they could do it early but I'm gonna try.. oh yea the bed was denied, theyll buy her a reflux wedge that shes too big for..hello dip shit government.. i've bought all the wedges and a matress..I wish they could come over for a day or two and get pucked on see how easy it is.. owell.. pray for emma that her eye can get fixed easily..pray this upper respritoy infection or what ever will just go away and not come back..

boo hoo

well I didnt post this before but i was trying to get emma a bed and of course they denied it..they said they would buy me a sling, which she is too big for.. I hate to battle things, I hate confrontation so I dont know what to do..I have tried wedges,reflux mattresses.. she doesnt have reflux anymore. but she has chronic ear infections and she doesnt swallow her spit good at night she blows bubbles and makes spit foam.. and like 4 times a week she wakes up puking snot and spit. ow well guess i'll never get any sleep.. Ive taken her mattress apart and built up a lil bed in my bed.. but she needs constant repositioning.. owell.

ok one more thing that urks me.. our local park built a huge skate park for skate boarders but they cant buy a special needs swing and there all out of money for like 3 more years.. just pisses me off..

i'm a slacker

Well ive come to the conclusion I'm a slacker.. I do work with emma alot at home but if she cries I dont push her who wants to make there baby cry... if i could just get over it she would probably be alot more along than she is.. if you put her on tummy time or something similar she holds her breath when she cries and gets lil broken blood vessels its just really stressful..

well this week has pretty much sucked.. I live in a duplex and i'm not fond of my neighbors allthough ive never met them.. there parking is on the back side, but they send there people to are drive way and park in my front yard.. who does this.. i would never..so we came to the conlusion that they are dealing drugs and shuffling the trafic to our drive way, we cant just come out and accuse someone.. but now we have proof.. 3 cop cars in my driveway..pounding on there door at 12;30 at night..they had already arrested the son for I think pot..they were very loud standing at my door. talking about it all and said they were gonna get a warrant.. So i was freaked out all night..because the duplex the only thing that seperates us is a locked door..so i was pretty mad..then today a bad car crash right in front of the house it was the most horrible sound, 2 kids from the high school apperently it happens here alot.. crazy..

well I got depressed seen myself on video today.. my boobs are just unreal there like freakin watermelons, its no wonder why my back hurts.. god i wish i could get them cut off.. that has been my dream since about the age of 16.. yes this is a life long issue..but no insurance so im just freakin cursed.. I wish I could join the gym, i wish i could afford healthy food etc etc etc.. you know but obamas lil stimulas plan is more worried about making a freakin pig farm smell better or building a train that runs from disney land to las vegas..just freakin unreal.. well if you can pray for us I would appreciate it..

One reason its good to be poor..

The reason is :::: emma can get all the therapy she can handle.. So i was traveling an hour away for her therapies, but ive switched everything this week now we drive 20 minutes.. thank goodness cause that trip is tiring.. So emma is gonna start aqua therapy which i'm so excited about..shes gonna have that, regular pt, ot, and speech/feeding therapy.. I already love these people and we have only done the evals. Emma does not like anyone touching her hands or arms which is called tactile sensitivity. They tried to get her to play with rice and she really wanted to I could tell so For the past week at home that has been her favorite thing to play with that and beans she stretchs her arm into and just digs.. So warm weather is going to be fun..I gotta get her a sand box..

So the therapist had her stand at a regular walker/ like the kind the elderly use..she strapped one hand and held the other,I totally was freaked out the whole time I thought she was going to face plant but she didnt she took like 15 steps or atleast it seemed like that much.. I later cried alil because that is just so good, her therapist said i'm gonna get this girl walkin and I believe it..some people take for granted things like walking, I was really just so proud..we pick up her afo's (feet braces) next week and were gonna look into something called theratogs, its some type of body suit for low toned kids..

also we I mean emma and nic have been excepted to the littlest hero's project http://www.littlestheroesproject.org/littlest_heroes_project/our_team.html hopefully that link works..but they take pictures of disabled and kids with problems such as autism.. when that happens i will post..

ok now on nicholas oh my god.. I have had to try to stay sain this week. I did have a 24 melt down sometimes he can be so difficult. I know he doesnt mean to, so i did have guilt over my lil break.. I feel bad for him, I wish we could hurry up and figure out what is wrong with him. we have a for sure adhd, a possible asbergers, but now were looking into bipolar(he gets that from daddies side lol).. so he had a major meltdown in front of his lil friend and i believe it scared him he called his mom an went home.. that is when the breakdown started. I hate to see him hurting, sometimes he feels so unloved he really hasnt made any friends since weve been here and now to scare this one sent him into a depression. I really just hope the kid comes back. I havent got the courage to call him mom yet, depression sucks. we miss his old friend from sc. i wish we could adopt him. he was always there for nic, during meltdowns anger issues or what ever he was a great lil guy.. well pray for us especially pray for us to find answers to help nic.. pray that with jjs hours cut at work that we can make it.. pray just for us..