boo hoo

well I didnt post this before but i was trying to get emma a bed and of course they denied it..they said they would buy me a sling, which she is too big for.. I hate to battle things, I hate confrontation so I dont know what to do..I have tried wedges,reflux mattresses.. she doesnt have reflux anymore. but she has chronic ear infections and she doesnt swallow her spit good at night she blows bubbles and makes spit foam.. and like 4 times a week she wakes up puking snot and spit. ow well guess i'll never get any sleep.. Ive taken her mattress apart and built up a lil bed in my bed.. but she needs constant repositioning.. owell.

ok one more thing that urks me.. our local park built a huge skate park for skate boarders but they cant buy a special needs swing and there all out of money for like 3 more years.. just pisses me off..

i'm a slacker

Well ive come to the conclusion I'm a slacker.. I do work with emma alot at home but if she cries I dont push her who wants to make there baby cry... if i could just get over it she would probably be alot more along than she is.. if you put her on tummy time or something similar she holds her breath when she cries and gets lil broken blood vessels its just really stressful..

well this week has pretty much sucked.. I live in a duplex and i'm not fond of my neighbors allthough ive never met them.. there parking is on the back side, but they send there people to are drive way and park in my front yard.. who does this.. i would never..so we came to the conlusion that they are dealing drugs and shuffling the trafic to our drive way, we cant just come out and accuse someone.. but now we have proof.. 3 cop cars in my driveway..pounding on there door at 12;30 at night..they had already arrested the son for I think pot..they were very loud standing at my door. talking about it all and said they were gonna get a warrant.. So i was freaked out all night..because the duplex the only thing that seperates us is a locked door..so i was pretty mad..then today a bad car crash right in front of the house it was the most horrible sound, 2 kids from the high school apperently it happens here alot.. crazy..

well I got depressed seen myself on video today.. my boobs are just unreal there like freakin watermelons, its no wonder why my back hurts.. god i wish i could get them cut off.. that has been my dream since about the age of 16.. yes this is a life long issue..but no insurance so im just freakin cursed.. I wish I could join the gym, i wish i could afford healthy food etc etc etc.. you know but obamas lil stimulas plan is more worried about making a freakin pig farm smell better or building a train that runs from disney land to las vegas..just freakin unreal.. well if you can pray for us I would appreciate it..

One reason its good to be poor..

The reason is :::: emma can get all the therapy she can handle.. So i was traveling an hour away for her therapies, but ive switched everything this week now we drive 20 minutes.. thank goodness cause that trip is tiring.. So emma is gonna start aqua therapy which i'm so excited about..shes gonna have that, regular pt, ot, and speech/feeding therapy.. I already love these people and we have only done the evals. Emma does not like anyone touching her hands or arms which is called tactile sensitivity. They tried to get her to play with rice and she really wanted to I could tell so For the past week at home that has been her favorite thing to play with that and beans she stretchs her arm into and just digs.. So warm weather is going to be fun..I gotta get her a sand box..

So the therapist had her stand at a regular walker/ like the kind the elderly use..she strapped one hand and held the other,I totally was freaked out the whole time I thought she was going to face plant but she didnt she took like 15 steps or atleast it seemed like that much.. I later cried alil because that is just so good, her therapist said i'm gonna get this girl walkin and I believe it..some people take for granted things like walking, I was really just so proud..we pick up her afo's (feet braces) next week and were gonna look into something called theratogs, its some type of body suit for low toned kids..

also we I mean emma and nic have been excepted to the littlest hero's project http://www.littlestheroesproject.org/littlest_heroes_project/our_team.html hopefully that link works..but they take pictures of disabled and kids with problems such as autism.. when that happens i will post..

ok now on nicholas oh my god.. I have had to try to stay sain this week. I did have a 24 melt down sometimes he can be so difficult. I know he doesnt mean to, so i did have guilt over my lil break.. I feel bad for him, I wish we could hurry up and figure out what is wrong with him. we have a for sure adhd, a possible asbergers, but now were looking into bipolar(he gets that from daddies side lol).. so he had a major meltdown in front of his lil friend and i believe it scared him he called his mom an went home.. that is when the breakdown started. I hate to see him hurting, sometimes he feels so unloved he really hasnt made any friends since weve been here and now to scare this one sent him into a depression. I really just hope the kid comes back. I havent got the courage to call him mom yet, depression sucks. we miss his old friend from sc. i wish we could adopt him. he was always there for nic, during meltdowns anger issues or what ever he was a great lil guy.. well pray for us especially pray for us to find answers to help nic.. pray that with jjs hours cut at work that we can make it.. pray just for us..

my lil sensitive child

lordy lordy.. my eye twitch is in full bloom today..I thought nick was feeling better to go back to school today.. but an hour of yelling i'm blind, my toothbrush is covered in hair (no there was no hair) my stupid pants etc etc.. I decided maybe he wasnt ready to go back to school today.. some days I really feel I could use a nerve pill.. so I'm attaching a pic he drew a couple weeks ago.. his other fish aka silvey died so i ran to walmart and got a new silvey...so now silvey will live forever or as long as walmart carries that color.. but with him being the dramatic sensitive child he is, i felt it was in all of our best interest..I never would have thought I would do that but if you had to here it you would too.. PS HE HUNG THIS OVER OUR TOILET

teachers, potty training

Ok first I would like to start out by saying errrrr.. thats to nicks teachers. I have discussed about nicholas and being forgetful, adhd has ahold of him alot, he cant concentrate half the time.. he doesnt hear half of what you say because yea HE IS NOT FOCUCED. any teacher that knows about adhd or asbergers all know that kids can not focus.. so every week a couple times a week.. I feel I get sculded by the teacher for not completing work..every day we do homework read books etc etc. At the 1st of the school year his teacher said he would only have 1 sheet aday.. he gets 3 alot.. is it my fault he cant remember to bring work home..its my responsibilty to do work at home..but shouldnt she be giving him a lil extra nudge to bring stuff home. i know he has to have accountability, but have the time hes not listening to her.. it just urks me.. like im a bad parent they way she comes to the car to tell me this with her lil smirk on her face..
ok secondly.. i got emma a potty chair not to potty train her but to let her butt air out..shes had a horrible but rash for weeks and im tired of digging poo from a towel.. but for 2 days now shes pooed like 4 times and peed several times.. she doesnt really know what shes doing, but shes doing it so im just gonna keep it up.. yea.. oh ps were does emma get her sleep face from..lol

I hate freakin diaper rashes

So emmas reflux study came back really good.. which i think is because we just switched her milk. her gas has gone down by like 75%.. but now she has a bleeding but rash.. we have tried 2 types of anitfungal creams not working so now im trying letting her just be naked.. she seems happy about it.. just laying there laughing.. I hope it works.. she is in so much pain.. plus i think shes getting another upper respritory infection again.. i wonder what causes that.. who knows.. I think Im gonna try maloxx on her but i dont know what else to do its been like 2 weeks..i'm thinking about getting her a lil potty chair so she can have somewhere to sit and air out, as im typing shes smacking her but and so happy.. I wish she could cruise the house how much airing out can you do when your sitting on a towel.. owell..

mexico is calling

I'm so dreaming of a long away life filled with joy and no worries... beaches sun shine happy happy days... why should some have so much and others struggle daily just to keep the electric on..OH mexico and a joyoous life think of me..

Well this week has gone pretty good.. considering emma has another ear infection and huge yeast infection from the antibiotics.. friday has a ph probe to see if shes refluxing again..not looking forward to that..we took the kids to the school so nic could try to ride a bike, no he still cant ride a bike.. I dont know if its fear or what but guess he will get it one day.. we took emma's gait trainer and man she had a ball she walked and walked for like 30 minutes people kept staring but owell I feel when they look they learn.. tonight I kind of got hit with a sad whammy.. nic said mom if i had one wish i wish emma would be normal like you and me, I mean how is she ever gonna get married.. I explain it to him, but I still dont think he gets the whole story.. it really broke my heart.. but she is true gift and we are blessed to have her..

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

katie's fight with Hepatoblastoma

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