emmas head pics craniel

heres 3 stages of emmas head..

i could not get them to go on here the way i wanted..

bye bye helmet hello cleft repair in about a month

they said it would take a few weeks to get everything

set up.. someone please call supper nanny my son is so

not listening to everything i really just want to alley mcbeal him....ow yea any plastics surgeons read this i need lapband,tummy tuck and breast reduction... haha and as we say at home bla bla bla bla bla

pulp fiction

i think we've all seen the movie pulp fiction, well the part were he has to stab her in the chest to save her.. well thats how i feel everytime i change a mickey button.. its kind of a high.. i know after ward i feel so relieved and stressed and proud. who would have ever thought i would do something like that.. i owe my courage to zoloft.. i swear before z i would cry if i ran over a butterfly.. well thought the button was infected so i took her to the doc. her defenitly smelled it but the button looks great.. so he does a cdc? i think thats what its called.. well it took along time to get blood. so they came back and said they thought the test was bad.. lets do another one. he said if the first was right she would have to go directly to the hospital. but the 2nd came back fine. my problem is how do we know which one is write. the first could be cancer or something bad if it was a good test. how am i supposed to say ok i believe the second one.. so shes going to the GI doc tomorow and the plastic surgeon.. woo hoo fun day..I will not leave the GI with out some answers and hopefully a drink for emma to tolerate.. poor thing did not like the pediasure. constipated, puking, patikia could be allergies, cancer, bowel bleeding could be nothing.. im sure all is fine.. i guess this is why i have trouble sleepin... the what ifs.... they suck

creepin crawlin torture chamber

well emma tried a new contraption today.. which sucked.. you strap them inside this thing to put them in the crawlin position.. yea right. she freaked out.. it was not what i expected.. so lastnight we put her in a baby walker.. she was in heaven.. she can only go backwards but hey for a baby whos never been on her feet she was doing good, stompin and getting all hyper it was so cute..

hip hip hooray..

emma is going to be a new and confused child today... bye bye hip brace we graduate to only night time wear now... thank GOD...

hip problems

well I'm hoping emma will graduate out of her

scottish rite brace today.. I blame alot of her

delays on this. I know thats probably not true but hey

if that makes me feel better so be it..

emma has had her poor legs up in the air

for 8 months now. she so has the fire in her we just

know that shes ready to go. i took her brace of last night and

she was moving like crazy she wanted to crawl so bad. so lets

hope and pray the exrays are ok today.. tomorrow we get

to try a creepster crawler at pt. its a chair that you strap

them too underneath to let let crawl.. next week plastic

surgeon to see if we can say bye bye to the old

helmet.. and to talk about cleft repair..

dont know how all thats going to work out shes tongue tied

and has a bifid uvula that means the little ball

in the back of your through is cut in 2 and side ways.

they look like feelers.. well wish me luck or shall i say wish emma luck...

my lil angel

I get so confused for my babies future sometimes. sometimes i just dont think about the future just today and the emediate future. I visit the c22c website and it just makes me wonder what will my girl be like.

I know that right now she is so smart. she has a fire in her she LOVES to play with toys. she just beats on them like theres no tomorow. shes still in a hip brace. i think thats a major problem for her. she just seems like she wants to go. i feel it in me that she will do good in life. but then i look at some of these other blessed children and i wonder. will she have the fire she has now. or with syndromes does the fire go away. if they seem almost normal now. will the loose that later in life. i dont know how it works. im so glad i got my tubes tied. no more heartache.. but i thank god everyday for my miracle baby girl. i think she was meant for me. I feel as though i longed for her i always wanted a girl. even with her problems she couldnt be any more special or prettier or funnier or smarter.. she is just a blessing...

oh weary life

how can you make a child understand. that you love him. how can you make him understand that just because he has a disabled sister, that he is not alone. how can you make a child grow up when you have babied and loved him his whole life. how can you turn a angry child back into the loving little boy he once was. how can you unspoil a child when you've done such a good job at it. how can you make him understand that he is your heart.. without letting him run all over you.. how can you take back control, when some how you have lost it.. how can my house function the way i want it to. how can i love my husband when sometimes i feel all alone. how can you go home and visit when you feel like the only fat person in the world. how can you have true friends when you can't fully trust again. how can you be the mom and wife and self when you feel so lost and not in control of your own life.. how can i spend time with my baby without i feel guilty for not with my son. how can i make him feel he is not alone....