Thursday, January 5, 2012
This christmas Im Thankful..I realized it today, during a mini sad moment..I was standing outside emmas class room looking at the pictures and I realized she's the disabled one in the picture every picture was in a differnt piece of equipment and I thought omg my child is disabled really..here's were I feel guilty.
growing up I lived 2 blocks from the library I lived there not always to read but crafts and such.. well when I was about 10 a class of older special needs came in. well not being the understanding, not so scared person i am today.. one of the boys took a liking to me, I didnt realize that then but he chased me all through the library yes I was scared I didnt understand why he was the way he was or why he was chasing me. fast forward to my 1st job another special needs boy blurted out I had zits and use medicine..lol.. so growing up not really being around the special needs community I was hurt.. so getting to my point..
I was looking at my lil sweet innocent angel sitting in all her equipment and said so what.. SHES FREAKING ALIVE AND THRIVING, MY GIRL IS SMART..tHE MEDICAL community and the world has deemed her as SEVERLY MENTALY RETARTED> NOPE SHE CANT TALK MAYBE THE OCCASIONAL YEA OR A JUMBLED ILOVEU.. BUT RETARED, MY GIRL CAN WATCH A SAD MOVIE CRY WHEN THE SAD PART, BE HAPPY WITH THE GOOD ONES AND SCARED DURING THE BAD TIMES.. that shows alot of inteligence.. To this day I have guilt and am still afraid I will freeze with older disabled children, but I dont! My girl has changed this whole family.
we rejoice in small miracles such as touching mommy or daddy with her ipad.. we rejoice emma falling in love with Rapunzel, I have longed for the day for her to love an object and just not beat it.. she can push a baby stroller a couple feet at a time of course with us holding her under her arms.. but shes doing it.. shes taking a liking to food recently we rejoice.. dont under estimate your child I know theres alot more she can learn and do and I will fight for it..
So my realization on my own life is that I love to help others find equipment or resourses.. so mama must save for a new computer so that I can help..I cant believe my life is like this growing up, NEVER would I have dreamed of being in these shoes but yous know what I fill them well.. yes life is hard but thinking back of all my friends, i was probably the most sensitive honestly I think this life was chosen for me.. all i want to do is get along with everyone, love and be happy..SO HERE IT IS THANK YOU GOD FOR BLESSING ME WITH MY 2 ANGLELS ON EARTH AND THE 2 IN HEAVEN. I KNOW LIFE IS LONELY, STRESSFUL,JOYFUL, HEARTBREAKING BUT I WILL TRY MY BEST TO BE THE BEST MOM AND ADVOCATE FOR MY CHILDREN .THANK YOU FOR TECHNOLOGY THAT HAS KEPT MY CHILD ALIVE FOR ALMOST FIVE YEARS, SOMETIMES i FORGET WITHOUT A FEEDING TUBE MY CHILD WOULD NOT BE ALIVE.I WILL FIGHT BEG WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO HELP MY CHILD even if i do get on my FB families nerves. THANK YOU GOD FOR LETTING MY CHILDREN BE ALIVE AND HAPPY AND HEALTHY, YES EVEN WITH A GTUBE..IM GRATEFUL IM GRATEFUL EVERYNIGHT WHEN I LAY IN BED AND CUDDLE THE PRINCESS, I THINK OF ALL MY DEAR ES, MITO, ETC FRIENDS THAT WISH FOR ONE MORE DAY.. I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY TO YOU ALL THAT MY HEART BREAKS FOR YOU, I DONT KNOW HOW YOU GUYS DO WHAT YOU DO BUT IM THANKFUL YOUR IN MY LIFE BECAUSE I CHERISH ALL THE MOMENTS NOW.. SO KNOW THAT MY SILENCE IS JUST I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.. KEEP FIGHTING FRIENDS..
SO BE GRATEFUL WEATHER IT BE YOUR NORMAL LIFE OR YOUR LIFE FILLED WITH GRIEFE WE ARE ALIVE AND WE ARE BLESSED.. I KNOW WITHOUT MY ES FAMILY I WOULD BE LOST IN THIS WORLD..